When will I learn?

Ever wondered if your vacuum is strong enough to suck up a phone cord?

Mine is ...

Good and bad of swim lessons

How many days does it take for the chlorine to eat your arm hair? I spend 6 hours a day, 5 days a well in chlorine in the summer. It took 7 days this summer before I noticed my arm hair was gone!

I do have great rewards, like my father babysitting Xman in his office. I get to swim with the little man when I have off classes and he is not sleeping. He jumped off the board today for the second time this summer. He thinks he runs the pool!

I also get the best ice ever and diet dr pepper thanks to Dad!

I get to hear the crazy things said at the pool. This year a little girl slipped and fell on her way into the pool. Her dad rushed over to stop her crying. He asked her, "where does it hurt?". "my butt" she cried. "do you want me to kiss your butt?" he generously offered. "no" she giggled and got in the water.

I have been doing this a long time, and though I hurt from carrying fighting kids in the deep end, and from being pinched, scratched and pulled at, I do enjoy what I do ... Even if I complain about having to go - kid's attitude's are contagious!

The naughty question of the day (yesterday)

One of my student was trying to get his pawn to ask me "where's your labia?" in front of two classes worth of students. Keep in mind i am hearing their entire conversation. The instigator told him is was a bone in your shoulder.

So the pawn, who is starting to learn not to trust the instigator, asks, "what are the bones in your shoulder?". So I list the bones of your shoulder. "That is not what you said." says the pawn to the instigator and the conversation gets quiet again, trying to convince the pawn again.

Finally, he asks the question, "What is Libya?". "A country." I say and move on. Silly teenage boys.

Drunk driving simulation

At school today we had a drunk driving simulation. The cops brought in cars, a kid was in the road playing dead, two students were in one of the cars who were playing hurt and did a great job acting. But the acting award goes to the drunk driver, he stumbled around and miserable failed his sobriety test, as you would expect from the number of beer cans that fell from his car as he got out.

We knew about this all week, but we're supposed to keep it a secret from the students. The initial shock if leaving for what you think is a fire drill and seeing that is what we are after. But some of the kids started noticing cop cars blocking off roads and things like that, and one asked a teacher what was going on. Without missing a beat the teacher explained that there was going to be a major drug search because it was 4/20. Best part - a kid in the class said he needed to go to his truck.

Things that seem odd ...

I saw a fire truck at the gas station today ... getting gas. I know they have to get gas, but I don't really ever remember seeing a fire truck getting gas ...

Farting is funny!

It takes a little boy less than two years to decide that farting is possibly the funniest thing ever! It started in the bath tub tonight, and it continued to the changing table. Gassy, gassy boy ... We should have named him Farty McGaserton ... Or Vladimir Putin ....

You learn something new everyday!

Today a friend ran across this picture with the following description

http://pinterest.com/pin/288089707383094950/#


great info on menstrual cups, the different types, sizes ect. There are more than just the Diva cup

menstrualcupinfo.wordpress.com

What?!!

Never in my life could I imagine this!!

Then we went to the blog and read the description. I thought I was going to puke. The description was something to the extent of wear until full, empty clean repeat. And they last for years.

No offense to those of you who use or like this idea, but obviously this is not for me. My mind has been officially blown!

Midnight Mass

Midnight Mass is one of my favorite things during Christmas. Everyone else is home in bed and we are in church. Couple of problems ... several of my family members are big babies about the smell of the incense. I left my husband at home because he is the biggest baby about the smell. But I took Samantha who I didn't know was going to be competing with Robert to complain the most. Then we were both exhausted, and Samantha kept trying to lay on my shoulder and sleep.

Thank goodness that the homily caught my attention. At first it was the frequent use of the word flock by our Nigerian priest ... doesn't quite sound like flick when he says it. Then he told a great joke. (warning: most don't agree with me that it's a great joke).

A couple is headed home after a Christmas party and see the red and blue lights in the rear view. So the husband slouches down in his seat, and puts his seatbelt on as he is pulling over to the side of the road. So the cop comes to the window and says "do you know why I pulled you over?" the man says "no". The cop asks again "do you know why I pulled you over?". The man again answers no. The cop says "you didn't have your seatbelt in.". The man replies "I have it on now and you can't prove otherwise. You can even ask my wife, she will tell you I had it on.". The cop looks at the lady and says "was your husband wearing his seatbelt!". She looks at her husband and then the. Op and says "sir, there is one thing I have learned in the past twenty years of marriage. Don't argue with him when he's drunk."

Insert laughter - you are welcome!

How does this happen?

Quote of the day (yesterday)

Life of a slug:

First your homeless
Then people pour salt on you
Then you die

How is this helpful?

Shaken beliefs

My students were discussing ... Well, I actually can't remember. It's been less than 12 hours and I can't remember.

Anyway they were discussing something,and I heard one student say, "I don't even know what to believe anymore ...". So funny. Maybe I will remember, and do a new post then you can laugh too!

Most Awkward Question of Day

Most awkward question of the day during our abstinence video ....

"What is oral sex?"

Student Shirt of the day

Teamwork - a lot of people doing what I say!!

She is never here!

sYou should mark her absent from home when she is here.

day 3

Nervous System notes for Anatomy! You are welcome!  An english teacher @ my school tells the students that every time you use an exclamation point you kill a kitten! We need cats to dissect for Anatomy!  Please feel free to join  me inmy quest for lab supplies!

I was speechless ...

This week I was teaching a 3 or 4 year old boy this summer, and I told him he was goofy. He asked what it meant and I said "Silly." He said "I'm not goofy." Then I thought of the character Goofy, so I asked if he was Mickey Mouse? He said "No. Mickey Mouse has big ears and tail." I said, "You don't have a tail?" He said, "No, I have a penis."